Stories shared by community members.
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(Happy?) Father’s Day
Submitted by Rob (Lila’s dad) I am Lila’s dad. I didn’t know what I wanted out of my first Father’s Day as a loss dad. What I really wanted was to be a dad to a living child. To be Lila’s father with her there next to me. Happy, healthy, here. It was exhausting to…
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Life Raft
Submitted by Rob (Lila’s dad) After your first child is born still, your relationship with pregnancy is terrifying. “Completely fucked up” is a more accurate summation of the dynamic. The only outcome you know is devastating, heart shattering, and so viscerally painful that it makes you nauseated to recall. Your child was born dead. You…
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Join Us
Submitted by Chris (Izzy’s dad) First and foremost, thank you for being part of the Sad Dads Club. This is the worst club with the best guys. We are still very much a work in progress, but it is time to share some of our long-term goals with you. Welcoming Other Sad Dads to Share…
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Innocent Question
Submitted by Rob (Lila’s dad) “Do you have any children?” “Do you want children?” “When are you going to have children?” “Is he your only child?” I’ve received those questions, at various junctures, consistently. Everyone in young adulthood has. Somewhere along the way, these deeply personal and complicated questions became common conversation starters. Or conversation…
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Absence of Joy
Submitted by Rob (Lila’s dad) Lila was synonymous with joy. Even before she arrived, she became our world. Everything around us changed. That sweet excitement transformed, and dictated, everything in our home: a room for her crib, a closet for her clothes, and even her own seat in our car. We could, and would, take…
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It Gets Better
Submitted by Chris (Izzy’s dad) If I could return to the day Izzy passed and deliver myself a letter, I would want it to express a simple but powerful theme; it gets better. This doesn’t mean easy, just better. Below is a short letter I wish I could have shared with myself. “Chris, I…
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I Want
Submitted by Rob (Lila’s dad) On some sunny days, the sun hits my face and I feel so warm. Buoyant. I think of everyone I love and everyone who loves me. A splendid dizziness. A natural rush. I let it consume me. I live in that moment. My heart feels so full. Life is wonderful. …
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Your Birth Story – Part 1
Submitted by Jay (Bella’s dad) Pure Joy January 31, 2017 Dear Bella, We learned Mommy was pregnant with you on Sunday, May 29, 2016, while we were at a family wedding in California. It was early in the morning, and we hadn’t slept much the night before because your big brother was very jet-lagged from…
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Deflection Mechanism
Submitted by Rob (Lila’s dad) Originally, I wasn’t sure how to face, deal with, or even begin to process my grief. It was a confusing, spiraling, and terrifying concept that I avoided. Instead, I spent those first six months after losing Lila hyper focused on protecting my wife from anything potentially triggering. I wanted to…
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Finding Light Again
Submitted by Rob (Lila’s dad) Immediately following the loss of our daughter, I was sure I’d never find genuine happiness again. That true, carefree, effervescent happiness. One year removed from Lila’s loss and I felt like the canyon of pain within me had deepened. These weren’t feelings I was used to having. I was always…